An Utter Disaster
by adoorbellrings
Summary: Lily has a very serious problem. It won't be long before her problem notices. Lily/James, 7th year.


**First Lily/James fic; let me know if I get it right!**

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It was the t-shirts. And the wrinkled slacks. And the way they fit together. Or, to be more specific, the way they _didn't_. Like right now, for instance, when he leaned forward to write some mindless little note to Sirius and the hem of his shirt pulled up, revealing a thin stripe of tan skin that part of me – a very evil, horrid, mentally deranged part – wanted to touch so badly it hurt.

Frustrated beyond belief, I blew a strand of crimson hair out of my eyes, and tried once again to tear my gaze away. The whole plan had been to _not _spend the entire History of Magic class staring at his stupid jawline and his stupid hazel eyes and his stupid lean forearms, hadn't it? I _never_ sit in the back of the classroom, but desperate times call for desperate measures, except this particular desperate measure wasn't really doing its job as I was _still fucking staring_.

_Ok, Lils,_ I thought, forcing my eyes down to my notes. _Get it together._ Beside me, Alice shoved an elbow into my arm.

"Hey," I hissed, glaring at my so-called friend's sly smile.

"Hey, yourself," Alice whispered, glancing at the four boys huddled together one row ahead. "I know this class is boring, but you're more distracted than _I_ am, and that's really saying something."

"I'm not distracted," I argued, dutifully refocusing on my notes. They were completely incomprehensible, but she didn't need to know that.

"Oh, so is _that_ why you've been burning a hole into one Ja – "

"Shut up!" I said, rather loudly than I'd intended, and the droning lecture paused. My cheeks flushed as several people in the room turned to stare, certain unnamed parties included. _He_ was grinning, that slanting, cheeky grin that made me want to wipe it off his face with a nice, hard

(snog)

punch.

"As you were," I said, staring hard at my papers, and the lecture resumed. Alice sniggered, not even attempting to hide it.

"Well done," she whispered after a moment or two. "You didn't need to shout."

"Yes, well, _you_ didn't need to say – that name," I replied, barely moving my lips. She shook her head.

"God, Lily, you are pathetic."

"Oh, like you're better? Might I remind you of how many nights I've spent with you, decoding every single thing Frank says in your general presence?"

"That's different," she sniffed, turning back to face the front. Her annoyance was a front, though, if the smirk tugging at her lips was any indication. "He's my boyfriend, not my object of lust."

"I do not _lust_ after – " I stopped, horrified at my near slip, and snapped my mouth shut. Alice shook her head, rolling her eyes, and I went back to not staring at James Potter's shirt hem.

* * *

I suppose I couldn't have expected it to last forever. I mean, he's an idiot, but he's not _stupid._ Eventually, I knew, he was going to catch me out, and when that day came, it would be something of a reckoning.

I just didn't expect it to come so _soon_.

Three days after The Shirt Incident, I was at lunch with Alice and Marlene. We were minding our own business, and I was perfectly under control, and I hadn't even looked at _him_ once! This was the new line of attack, you see; if I didn't look at him at all, maybe I would stop feeling the burning need to do a whole lot more than just look. And everything was going spiffingly. Alice hadn't even brought the whole messy business up, and we'd been there for all of ten minutes already!

"Well, don't _you_ look like the cat who got the cream," someone said from just behind us. The voice itself was fine, low and rather pleasant. It was the _implications_ of that voice that I dreaded. With a pained sigh, I turned to see Sirius Black standing with both hands shoved into the pockets of his non-regulation jeans. He was not alone.

"What can I do for you, Black?" I asked, and Alice made a small choking sound for which she would pay dearly later.

"What," his companion said, "I don't even get a hello?"

"Potter," I said brusquely, my eyes still on his slightly taller friend. "Well?"

James – Potter – _git_ – laughed out loud.

"Come on, Lil," he said, daring to shorten my given name, "we just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Frowning, I made the mistake of looking him in the eye. For an instant – a really short one, mind you – I couldn't breathe. Then, I sniffed.

"I'm fine. As your friend so charmingly noted."

There was a glint in those hazel eyes, something almost smug; this wasn't unusual, but for some reason my stomach clenched.

"Just checking," he continued politely. I felt my cheeks heating up for absolutely no reason, and turned back to face the table.

"Well, you've checked. Now go away."

"Hey, Evans," Sirius said, leaning down between me and Alice to rest a hand on the table. Alice, checking out the muscles in his arm, gave an appreciative raise of her brow. "Don't take it the wrong way. It's just, sudden and dramatic changes of disposition and action can sometimes point to serious health problems."

Before I could stop myself, I scoffed at him.

"Wow, that was a lot of big words. I'm impressed." Then, I thought about what he'd actually _said_. "Wait, what are you talking about?" _No, Lily, stupid, stupid, don't play the game!_ It was too late. Potter stepped up to my other side, leaning on the table to flank me, and suddenly his side was brushing against mine and his ridiculously messy hair was practically touching my cheek. He smelled of pine, and underneath, of soap. It made me want to turn my head _just so_ and press my nose into the curve of his neck, breathing him in.

Instead, I swallowed.

"A little space, boys?"

"Why, uncomfortable?" he threw back, not missing a beat. I knew a challenge when I heard one, and… well, the truth was, I hadn't asked Sirius to move. So asking Potter to would mean… would imply… And that just wasn't acceptable.

"With you? Hardly." I was sneering, but Potter just smiled that wicked half-smile of his, and I barely even noticed Alice and Marlene inching away from the three of us.

"That's certainly an improvement," Sirius said from my left. "Time was, you couldn't stand him."

"I still can't stand him," I shot back, holding my arms as close to my body as possible so as not to touch either of them. "Now, if you would kindly _leave_ – "

"Then why have you spent the past three weeks we've been back here doing nothing but staring at me?" Potter asked, a gleam of triumph in the gaze that refused to let me drop mine. Shocked, I opened my mouth and let loose a real gem of a comeback.

"I have not!"

"And," Sirius put in, "why have you spent the past three _days _ignoring him completely?"

"If you hadn't noticed," I said, as bitingly as I could under the circumstances, "I hate him. I don't pay attention to people I hate."

"Is that so?" Potter asked, or murmured, or something that made the words vibrate against my ear in a way that sent a secret shiver down my spine. Or, as his stupidly attractive lips curved in a slow, pleased grin, a not so secret shiver.

Well. This was going wonderfully, of course, but perhaps it was time to remove myself from the situation.

"I have class to attend," I began, shoving the bench away from the table. Potter, being a Quidditch player, had the reflexes to jump out of the way. Sirius managed the same, though I didn't know his excuse. "You have class to fail. Enjoy."

I slipped past Alice's reaching hand, catching her wide grin and deciding now was not a time to bond with my best friend.

I almost made it. Really. I was so close.

I got all the way to the stairs leading up to the ladder for Divination before a hand closed around my elbow, whipping me around so fast I almost fell. Another hand caught me by my flailing free arm, and suddenly I was standing face to face with James Potter, his hands holding me up, only inches between us.

I wrenched myself away, ignoring the tingle his fingers sent down my arm as they skated off my skin.

"What, verbal harassment isn't enough anymore; you have to attack me in the halls?"

He scoffed, shaking his head.

"Please. I just want to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk to you!" I turned again, praying someone would come along and interrupt this charming little scene, cursing the fact that this was Divination and so _no one _showed up on time. This time, when Potter grabbed my arm he took a step towards me and before I knew what had happened, my back was against the stairwell wall.

"I'm serious," he insisted, and I meant to snap back something about how he was never serious or about how Sirius was Sirius but he was close enough that his legs brushed against mine and I could feel the warmth from his chest and for some reason I couldn't quite think properly.

"Stop that," I said after a moment.

"Stop what?" He put a hand against the wall by my head, half-blocking me in; his eyes glinted dangerously behind the thin wire-rimmed glasses, his blasted wonderful scent practically assaulting me.

"All of it!" I put a hand up to his chest, meaning to push him away, but somehow my palm just flattened there and went no further. I could feel his heart through the thin cotton shirt, could feel it pounding; I inhaled sharply as it sped up.

"Stop what, Lily?" he asked again, tilting his head towards me, a new light in those lovely, lovely eyes. His lips curved in a slow, sensuous smile I knew all too well, tinged with more than a hint of glee.

"I need you to move back," I said, pretending my voice was steady. I forced my gaze away from his face, focusing somewhere around his collar. His tie was loose, a bit crooked; in a flash, I saw myself tugging it until his mouth covered mine. My fingers flexed unconsciously, moving against his chest.

"Why? We're just talking." Why did he have to sound so calm, so knowing, so damned in control? Anger biting at me, anger and fear and confusion snapping up like wolves, I pulled my hand back and hit him in the shoulder.

"You're cheating! I can't think like this!"

As soon as it was out, my stomach dropped. Potter's smile turned decidedly wicked, and now the only thing in his hazel eyes was triumph.

"Do I distract you, Lily?" he asked, all politeness. He leaned closer, his lips almost touching my ear. "Seems only fair."

"I… I don't…"

My hands were on his shoulders, loosely grasping the fabric of his shirt. I didn't remember putting them there. Things felt foggy, slow motion.

"I'm going to do something now, Lily," he said, voice a tad rougher than it had been a moment before. My eyes snapped to his, which was unwise. "And you can stop me any time." But he didn't move, his mouth inches from mine, his expression more serious now than I'd ever seen it. His breath, warm and faintly minty. His arm, pinning me there, the tendons standing out as he held himself exactly where he was.

"James," I said, or thought, but I suppose I said it after all because his eyes widened and I swallowed hard. "James."

And he kissed me. Carefully for an instant. Then I made a sound, a small sound, but it was enough. He slammed his forearms to the wall, brought his body flush to mine; my hands went from his shoulders to his hair, my fingers gripping the tangled mess tight enough to hurt. He was kissing me deeper now, harder, a desperation pressing from his mouth to mine until I swept my hands down to his hips and tugged him closer, closer, until I was burning from the inside out.

"Oh, my god."

The voice, shrill and so unexpected my heart almost stopped, broke us apart like a sudden, vicious curse. I turned, pressed up against a wall by James bloody Potter, to see Alice staring with eyes so wide the irises were ringed in white.

My face flaring with a blush that was nearly painful, I ducked out from James' – _Potter's_ – arm and did the only sensible thing I could think of.

I ran.

* * *

"You owe me, by the way," Alice said from the foot of my bed. I didn't look up, hoping she'd go away.

"What?" I asked when she didn't, voice muffled by the pillow my face was pressed against. My mattress swayed as she sat down; her hand came down to give my back a few comforting rubs, but her voice was all smugness.

"I kept him from going after you earlier. Figured you'd need the time to, well, do this."

"Shut up."

"It was no easy task, let me tell you," she continued. "He was livid. Absolutely mad to track you down."

"Shut up!"

"Understandable, I suppose," Alice said musingly, as if I'd never spoken. "It's not every day the girl of your dreams snogs you against a wall and then flees the scene of the crime like her feet are on fire."

"More like all of me," I muttered, and rolled over. "Merlin, Alice, it was a disaster!" I put my hands to my face, certain that it was still red. Alice, from her seat at my hips, squeezed my knee just above the kneecap. I yelped, my hands flying down, and she grinned at me.

"Tell me everything."

And, since I doubted I could come up with any lie good enough to make her believe she _hadn't _seen my arms wrapped around James Potter like a great ruddy monkey, I did.

After the inevitable squeal, Alice leaned down and smacked me lightly in the face. I recoiled with a glare.

"What was that for? I've just been through an extremely traumatizing experience!"

"You've just been a complete and total tit, Lil, and you know it."

I groaned.

"You're right, you're right; I just – I couldn't help it! He smelled so good, and he was all close to me and I couldn't _think_ and he looked so pleased when I said his real name, like I was giving him some sort of bloody birthday present, and – "

"That's adorable," she broke in, "but not what I meant. Kissing the git was not where you went wrong; I've been telling you to shove that boy in a broom closet for ages now."

I sat up on my elbows, frowning.

"What? No, you haven't."

"Then I should have been," she countered breezily. "No, my dear, your mistake here was… can you guess?"

I remained silent, well aware of the stubbornness rolling off me in waves. This was just not my day, but I couldn't very well run away from my own bed and my own best friend, could I?

Wait, could I?

"It was being a great coward, that's what it was!"

So, probably not.

"James – "

"Don't say that na – "

"_James_ _Potter_ is absolutely mad for you. Has been for years. And you fancy him too, more than I've ever seen you with any other boy, and what's more, you _like_ him!"

Right, okay, that was too far. I fixed Alice with my best disapproving stare.

"I do not _like_ him. Fine, he's an attractive sort, and fine, I'm… wildly attracted to him. But that changes nothing! He's still an immature, arrogant git!"

Alice just raised her brows, all innocence and charm.

"Is he, though?" she asked, almost rhetorically. "Still?"

I considered this.

So _maybe_ Potter had helped that group of First Years last week, when they were lost on the grounds as we made our way to Care of Magical Creatures. And it was just _possible _that, come to think of it, he hadn't overtly tormented any Slytherins in the past… well, year or so.

Desperation making its old, familiar self known, I grabbed Alice's arm.

"He attacked me! He seduced me, against my will, and he just _knew_ the effect he was having!"

She patted me on the leg sympathetically.

"Oh, Lily. Don't try to tell me you don't enjoy the hell out of the effect _you_ have on _him_."

I gaped at her, actually speechless for a moment.

"Now, I know it's hardly fair to say you're in love with him," she informed me, as if we weren't talking about _my_ bloody feelings, "considering you've spent so much time being unwilling to spend any quality time with the fellow where you're not berating him for something. But Merlin's _sake_, Lil; you want James Potter to be your knight in disheveled armor and I'm sick and tired of hearing you say you don't!"

_She's right_, some traitorous inner voice said snappishly. _So get over yourself and admit it_.

"I… may… "

Alice gave a delighted little laugh.

"Good enough!" she allowed, and waggled my knee back and forth. "Now, what are you going to do about this little mess you've created?"

I groaned again, sinking my head back down onto the pillow.

"I don't _know_," I admitted, throwing one forearm over my eyes. The melodrama did not escape me, but this entire ridiculous situation reeked of melodrama so I let it slide. "I can't face him now." I peeked at her from under my wrist. "You understand that, right? I just can't!"

"Yes, you can," she replied coaxingly, now back to the soothing rubs up and down my shin. "All you have to do is go down to the Common Room, step up to him, and snog him senseless."

"Alice!"

"Or you could just fall down at his feet and cry, 'James, James, I'm yours! Take me! Take me now!'"

"Shut _up_," I hissed, glancing at the door to the dorm. "Someone may hear!"

"Oh, heavens, anything but that. Snogging in the hallways is perfectly discreet, but saying his _name _in your own _dorm room_ is beyond the pale."

Sometimes I really, strongly disliked that girl.

And yet…

"Bollocks," I sighed. "Seriously now, what should I do?"

Her expression lost its glee, and she gave me the first genuinely helpful smile of the evening.

"Go find him," Alice said simply. "And when you do, I don't care if you kiss him or ask him to Hogsmeade, as long as you make it clear that you ran away because you're a tit, not because you aren't _this_ close to being head over heels for him."

"You're such a great friend," I said dryly, and she grinned.

"Let no one say otherwise."

* * *

_Please don't be in the Common Room. Please don't be in the Common Room. Please don't – _There he was, sprawled on the floor in front of the fire, looking at least a little bit studious. Remus was sitting by him, which explained _that_.

I had a moment of weakness, and backed up two whole steps before I forced myself to stop. At least Sirius wasn't there. I didn't think I could have handled saying anything to James at all if he had been. As it was, I doubted that James wouldn't have told his closest mates, but I could at least trust Remus not to be an arse about it.

Steeling myself, I tiptoed the rest of the way down the stairs and padded over to stand behind the chair Remus was folded neatly into.

I cleared my throat. Both boys looked up, Remus with curiosity and James with an expression I found to be utterly unreadable.

_And when, exactly,_ I asked myself, _did you start calling him 'James'?_ Not important. What was important was the fact that, like it or not, he was staring at me now, and I had to actually speak.

"I need to talk to you," I said. _That's right, Lil. Dazzle him with your wit, your sharp thinking. _

"What if I don't want to talk to you?" he replied, voice light, layered with something darker. Remus glanced between us, frowning slightly, but said nothing. I crossed my arms over my chest protectively.

"Not an option." _Or, you know, just be a bitch._

He snorted, and pushed himself to his feet. Now that he was moving, my stomach felt like someone was beating it with several hefty sticks. I coughed again, and turned to head towards the portrait hole.

"Oh, no," James said from behind me, and this time his voice was enough to turn me around. "You can say it here."

"Wh– what?"

"You heard me." He wasn't smiling, but his hazel eyes seemed to hold at least a little humor now. It was a challenge. Another blasted challenge.

"I… I did, yes."

"So…?"

There were only a few others in the room, mostly clustered at the back working on some sort of project together. Only Remus was watching us, but at that moment he chose to hop lightly to his feet.

"I have some things," he said, voice betraying nothing of the smile that kept twitching at his lips. "Over there. So I'll just… be over there."

And he left us by the fire.

James crossed his arms to mirror me, fingers tapping softly against one bicep.

"You were saying?" he asked, offering no mercy.

"I… was… I may have been…" I stopped, looked down. Instantly, two fingers touched my chin, tilting my head back up.

"You look at me," he said, and though his hand was back at his side, there was something burning behind the fathomless gaze.

I swallowed.

"Earlier," I began, forcing the word out, "in the hall…"

He waited.

"I shouldn't have run," I finally managed, the admission coming rushed and quiet.

"Why not?"

Pained, I gave him a pleading look. He ignored it.

"Because… Well, I…" _Come on, Lily, _brain-Alice said in irritation. _You're better than this._ "I must be losing my mind," I muttered, just loudly enough for James' lips to quirk in a faint, amused grin. Then I reached up, grabbed his head, and yanked his mouth to mine.

He made a surprised, muffled noise, and then his arms snaked around my waist and he pulled me up against him hard enough to make him stumble back a step. Catching himself, he broke the kiss and gave a wild little laugh.

"Promise me you'll never find it," he murmured, eyes shining. And with a smile like that aimed at her, what was a girl to do?

I rolled my eyes, said a quick prayer, and kissed him again.

* * *

**Please, please, please review! I'm nervous about every first couple I write, so I'd love any feedback.  
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